Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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