Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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