I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
