You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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