That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
