I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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