Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
