so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize