All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
