Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there's paper in my vomit.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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