definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
