Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize