thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
