I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She announced her abortion via fbk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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