So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
