There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
