Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
