i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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