Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she peed on how many people?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize