It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
