I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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