sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
