You just made me feel so damn special
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize