If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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