just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
