My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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