ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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