You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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