I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize