My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
