i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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