Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
