At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
