Screwed.edu
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
