I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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