I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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