I am spending my child support on dildos
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
