You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am available for nakedness
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