If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize