I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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