Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
