One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
