Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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