Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
