Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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