Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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