Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
