My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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