I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
