I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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