I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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