am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Edward fifth and chaser hands
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
