she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
