I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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