To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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