Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Who died my cat blue again?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize