his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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