Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There are leaves in my underwear?
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