I'm so fucking centered right now
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
