that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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