fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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