i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
even my farts smell like vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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