May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
