She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
