while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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