You just made me feel so damn special
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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