I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
