Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
