We should be called the Road Head Warriors
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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