can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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