Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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