last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
