the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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