i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize