The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
