Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
