please come you make the beer taste better
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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