they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize