I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
