Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
