i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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