Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize