You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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