Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
