It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
