don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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