My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
