I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
