I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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