you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Drake has all the answers
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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