your parents love me but you hate me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
