Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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