Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
