I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
