I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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