So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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