I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
