Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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