I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
