All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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