During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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