He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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