And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
