he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
