I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
