Nicole vs. Life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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