Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
