Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
