just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
