Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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